'sometimes you've just gotta make it for yourself'

San Francisco band Girls recently put out their debut release, Album. It's beautiful and sad and sunny and cold and warm all at the same time. It sounds like the soul of Elvis Costello wrung through unmentionable childhood heartache. The lead singer grew up in a cult with his family. His older brother died when he was young because their cult didn't believe in medical treatment. His mother was forced into prostitution to provide for the family by cult members. Sad stuff, etc. etc. But this album is about a different type of sadness. The type of sadness found only after a heartache.

The chorus to "Hellhole Ratrace" really says it all.

And I don't want to cry my whole life through.
i want to do some laughing too.
So come on, come on, come on, come on, laugh with me.
And I dont want to die without shaking up a thing or two.
Yeah, I want to do some dancing too.
So come on, come on, come on, come on, dance with me.

Seriously, get this album. It's worth it. Best thing I've heard this year.

'hold out your hand, darling. hold out your hand, say please'

I've been running full steam as of late. Lots of work and traveling. I never really thought about how it might affect my health but it seems that the constant movement is catching up with me. Late Friday night I started having what felt like severe chest pains. All symptoms leaned toward heart issues, which rightly scared me. I tried to sleep it off but around 4:00 I had Jill drive me to Charlotte's Presbyterian hospital. No heart issues, which was a relief, but the problem was not identified.

Upon some research and realization that pain is often worse after I eat, we've pinpointed that I'm having esophageal spasms as a result of indigestion and possible GERD. Scary stuff. The symptoms are almost identical to a heart attack, which explains my chest pains and left arm numbness.

So, lacking health care, I am trying to let this just work its course. I'm eating smaller portions throughout the day to train my esophagus to accept food without pain. It's gotten progressively better but I have to avoid dairy, spicy foods, eating within 3 hours of going to sleep.

I was thankful that it wasn't anything more serious and I really can't wait to get back to my normal health so I can continue running. If anything this will teach me better eating habits. I'll avoid large meals, fast food, eating too fast or too much.

Thank God Jill and my family were there to support me through this. I don't know what I'd do without them.

Otherwise, life has been pretty good. Lots of new music arriving on my computer. really enjoying the new Monsters of Folk album along with many other new releases. Expect some posts about music I'm listening to over the weekend.

My relationship with Jill is going great. I really look forward to and enjoy our time together. We went and saw the play "Big Boys" at the Actors Theatre last weekend. Quite hilarious and a great satire on greedy corporate America. Besides the hospital scare my visit with her was excellent. It might be a while before I see her, but we have a great weekend planned in Asheville next month. Also, she might be doing her Co-Op there! I think the Biltmore Estate would be a great place for her to work and I won't lie, it would be really cool to have my girlfriend and a lot of my great friends all in the wonderful city of Asheville for a while.

For now I'll keep relaxing and prepare for work this evening. I'm feeling pretty optimistic and am realizing that life is pretty damn good.

"The Life of the World to Come"

So damn happy this leaked today.